This morning I got the news that Little Dude will be moving to a new home tomorrow afternoon. The news came from a friend of mine, as the social worker did not call me to tell me herself. She thought she did, but she had the wrong phone number. How, I don’t know. She’s called me before and had no problems.
Anyhoo, I got the word from a friend and called the social worker to hear it from her. Turns out the parents aren’t doing all they should be doing, so DCFS is looking to place in a home where adoption is a possibility, in case parental rights have to be terminated. This also happens to be with family members, which is a plus.
When I first heard the news, I was sad. For a few hours after I heard, I couldn’t talk about it without crying a little. I immediately began to send out texts to all of the people in my life who have been a support to me and to the baby. What I found is that I have a lot of supporters and the baby has had a lot of love in the time he’s been with me. It made me super grateful for God and his kingdom.
Now, about ten hours after hearing the news, I do feel a sense of peace. I attribute that completely to God’s grace and to all of my friends who have been praying for me today. It confirms for me that The Holy Spirit is intervening and that I am meant to be a foster parent.
While I do not agree with the timing of the decision, for reasons I won’t go into, for the sake of not giving too many specifics, I am happy that he will be with family. I am also confident that God is going to completely take care of him. Odds were so stacked against Little Dude, and he is doing incredibly well. I know God has been watching over him and will continue to watch over him.
I’m savoring every moment of what little time I have left with this precious gift from God. I’m still completely humbled and grateful that God gave me such a precious gift to take care of these past weeks. It has been a pure joy.
I would not change it or trade it for anything in the world, and I definitely want to do it again, even with the sleepless nights, the long commute to day care, and the pain of saying goodbye. I know that God is in this because there is no way I would be able to handle this without him.
My friends are asking me what I need. From moment to moment, I don’t really know. What I do know is this: I will have moments of tears and complete meltdown. I will have moments of peace that transcends all understanding. I will have moments where I don’t want to talk about it. I will have moments where I just need to be hugged. I will have moments where I will need you to do all the talking. I will have moments where I will just need you to sit with me. I will have moments where I will need you to make me laugh. I will have moments where I just need to be by myself.
I need my friends to remember that this is a brand new experience for me and to have patience with me. I need you to remember that just because I’m sad, doesn’t mean I never want to foster again or that this is too hard for me. I don’t want to be made to feel like this was a bad idea or like I’m being ridiculous by feeling sad because “I knew what I was getting into”. Knowing and experiencing are two very different things.
All of that being said, the two biggest things you can do for me are PRAY and love up on me: text me or call me or facebook me.
I love all of my friends and family, and I am so grateful for each and every one of you who has supported me and loved me on this journey. Thank you for being there. Thank you for loving Little Dude so much. It has made all the difference in the world to him, which means the world to me.