One Week In…A Story of Anxiety

Today is the one week mark of Little Dude’s arrival into my life.  He is the smallest baby for whom I have ever cared.  I never expected God to give me a preemie, but I am convinced He knows what He’s doing.  I’m humbled that He chose me as the best place for this little one, and I feel the immense responsibility of that.  With that feeling of immense responsibility comes waves of anxiety.  I don’t know what new moms did before the internet.  Google has become my best friend in my worry these past couple of days.  While there is a place for Google, and it is certainly helpful when I need a quick answer to a question, I want my security to be in God.  He knows exactly what he is doing, and He is protecting this little guy and myself, as I provide care and love and nurturing.  I am turning my focus from worry and Google to God, my Protector and my Safe Refuge.  The lack of sleep that comes along with such a new baby doesn’t help the anxiety, so I will continue to give myself grace and redirection as I need it in the days to come.

Even if I fully understood the lack of sleep, paperwork insanity, and broken system, at the outset, even if I knew for certain how exactly all of that would affect me and make me feel in the first week of my first placement, I would still have made the same decision to foster.  Does that make me crazy?  Maybe.  Many people think I am.  Fostering isn’t for everyone, and I don’t even think it would be for me, were it not for my personal relationship with God.  He has called me to foster, and I would not be able to do it without Him.

I love that this calling fills a desire that God put in my heart.  I love that this calling is so challenging that it calls me closer to God.  (James 4:8)  I love that this calling will help to grow my character and my faith.  I love that this calling is the pure religion that I am called to as a disciple of Christ.  (James 1:27)  I love that I get to “hold babies all day”, the job that I have always wanted.

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