Today is the one week mark of Little Dude’s arrival into my life. He is the smallest baby for whom I have ever cared. I never expected God to give me a preemie, but I am convinced He knows what He’s doing. I’m humbled that He chose me as the best place for this little one, and I feel the immense responsibility of that. With that feeling of immense responsibility comes waves of anxiety. I don’t know what new moms did before the internet. Google has become my best friend in my worry these past couple of days. While there is a place for Google, and it is certainly helpful when I need a quick answer to a question, I want my security to be in God. He knows exactly what he is doing, and He is protecting this little guy and myself, as I provide care and love and nurturing. I am turning my focus from worry and Google to God, my Protector and my Safe Refuge. The lack of sleep that comes along with such a new baby doesn’t help the anxiety, so I will continue to give myself grace and redirection as I need it in the days to come.
Even if I fully understood the lack of sleep, paperwork insanity, and broken system, at the outset, even if I knew for certain how exactly all of that would affect me and make me feel in the first week of my first placement, I would still have made the same decision to foster. Does that make me crazy? Maybe. Many people think I am. Fostering isn’t for everyone, and I don’t even think it would be for me, were it not for my personal relationship with God. He has called me to foster, and I would not be able to do it without Him.
I love that this calling fills a desire that God put in my heart. I love that this calling is so challenging that it calls me closer to God. (James 4:8) I love that this calling will help to grow my character and my faith. I love that this calling is the pure religion that I am called to as a disciple of Christ. (James 1:27) I love that I get to “hold babies all day”, the job that I have always wanted.